Remember that time I said “BRB” in my last post … and then was never “RB”? Please, next time you see me, punch me in the face for not following through with the one commitment I made in that post. I don’t know if you thought my 19-hour car ride turned into a three-month excursion, or you assumed I fell victim to a highway kidnapping spree, or, maybe you figured I was just a lazy turd and never got my act together to post again.
Whatever your reasoning, here is my public apology (and attempted justification) for why The Flare went missing a few months ago.
The decision in itself to stop blogging was not an epiphany. I didn’t awake from a dream and swear to no more Flare (in this scenario, I imagine myself waking abruptly in the middle of the night, sitting up, and whispering “the Flare is dead.” Sadly, that didn’t happen). I really can’t pinpoint a moment in which I decided to end this blog … my best explanation is that there was a gradual rearrangement of priorities in my life.
When I got to school, I’d like to say my focus on academics was the reason behind The Flare’s termination. But, let’s be honest, as a twenty-year-old lucky enough to attend such a beautiful and exceptional school as Elon, that would just make TOO much sense.
The shift in my priorities was not intentional. It began when my desire for clothing and the fashion industry started to fade over the summer living in New York City. There was a certain disenchantment I experienced within the fashion world while I was in the midst of it all. A tiny voice inside of me stirred guilt in the pit of my stomach as I continued to put so much time and energy into a blog I no longer had the same intentions for.
I’m not saying I found it all meaningless. When I was consumed in the beauty and ingenuity within the fashion industry, this blog was my creative outlet. I enjoyed planning the outfits and sharing my writing. But when my passion for clothing dimmed, I couldn’t justify taking pictures of myself and posting them on the web anymore. It wasn’t what I was passionate about any longer, and thus felt quite shallow.
I wish I could say another passion took the place of this one. Say education, or politics. But as I lost that urge to be in the fashion industry, it was replaced with a feeling of, “Now what?” I’m at a period in my life where I have absolutely NO idea what I’m going to pursue as a career, let alone this upcoming summer (any advice would be greatly appreciated). And you know what, it's pretty invigorating. That absolute absence of a plan is not scary, but actually refreshing. This small identity crisis has encouraged me to explore other job sectors to see where my strengths lie and what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life. But as of right now, I haven't a clue.
SO. I wanted to thank you all for being an amazing source of support and inspiration during the almost two years of this blog. The Flare was a ton of fun keeping up and, hey, maybe I’ll start another blog soon. On calligraphy. Or vegetarianism. Or taxidermy. Who knows.